5 Ways To Save A Failing Relationship

I’m no expert, that’s for sure. I have however seen it all a million times before. On paper the perfect couple, you look good together, you live together, you’ve known each other for a long time, there’s a healthy mutual respect and attraction, but ultimately the spark has very much gone. Ideally if your relationship is failing you want to act sooner rather than later, but of course only save a relationship if it’s truly worth saving. With just a little bit of effort, however, your relationship could be salvaged easier than you thought possible.

1. Remember why you got together in the first place – This is easily the best time in a relationship, that indescribable buzz when you first meet, you like them and they like you back. It’s a special feeling almost impossible to recreate, but what you can do is reminisce (in a happy way of course). Revisit those old places where you shared your first date, your first kiss and relive stories of how and more importantly, why, you fell in love.

2. Never underestimate the power of ‘date night’ – Couples are often guilty of simply not making enough time for one another. Whether it’s work, friends or family, ‘life’ all too often gets in the way – which as many of us know can be detrimental to even the closest of relationships. Try and make the effort to have even just one date night a month, a night for just the two of you and no one else. Also, be picky with your location choices, don’t just go to the same old pub you venture to every Sunday afternoon. Mix it up and even try doing something completely different month by month.

3. Talk – You’d be surprised at how many couples are guilty of horrendous communication – no matter how long they’ve known each other. It’s bizarre just how bad most of us are at having a simple honest conversation with one another – perhaps we’re terrified of what we might hear? Generally though it’s so important that as a couple you’re both on the same wavelength. Kids, career, marriage…you need to know where one another’s head is at, otherwise you might just be engaging in one big time-wasting exercise. However, never fear ‘the talk’, it might turn out to be the weight off your shoulders you so desperately needed.

4. Invest in yourself – In an ideal world your partner will love you no matter what, but that’s no excuse for being lazy or letting yourself go. Life isn’t all about being the fittest or the best looking but you should at least try to make the most of yourself. The aim is that you feel good and if you can accomplish that as individuals then there’s a pretty good chance you’ll also feel happier together as well.

5. Never take your partner for granted – Often the one overwhelming feeling that sparks and even reaffirms a break-up. Sometimes the longer a relationship lasts the more we take each other for granted. My advice, take just one moment to really think about how grateful you are for everything they do for you and if you’re feeling really brave, tell them!

So there you have it, 5 key points that could save you from returning to ‘singledom’. Relationships are never straightforward, they require time, effort and compromise something I often found out the hard way. No two relationships are exactly the same so adapt my advice in a way that suits you and you won’t go far wrong. Good luck!

5 Things I Look For In A Partner

If there’s one question I get asked all the time it’s “what’s your type”? And the truth is I don’t have a bloody clue anymore. In the past I would’ve said Kourtney Kardashian (I always thought she was a cuter version of Kim) but if you lined up all of my exes you’d notice very quickly that they couldn’t be any more different from one another.  It’s quite funny reminiscing back to my teens, us guys, we always had a dream girl. My first dream girl was my Sister’s babysitter, I was about 8 years old and she must’ve been 14 or 15. I called her up to my bedroom and handed her a post-it note that simply said “I love you.” She’d given me an eskimo kiss (when you innocently touch noses) days before and that was me, I was hers forever. I’m laughing as I write this as I don’t think either my Mum or my Sister know this story, oh well. After that the standard celebrity crushes began; Britney Spears, Sarah-Michelle Gellar, Jennifer Aniston, Megan Fox, Cheryl whatever her name is now, Hayley Williams, Katy Perry and Rita Ora all came and went. Recently I even found myself having a bit of a crush on Miley Cyrus – now that she seems to be washing again of course. But you’ll notice that list is all very looks orientated and I’d like to think that’s not what I’m about anymore. So now here I am, PTB at 30, what do I look for in a girl?

1. Looks. Yes, I’m going to completely contradict myself with the first one, but hear me out. Looks aren’t all that matter of course, give me an interesting plain Jane over a stunning bore any day. What does matter to me however, is that initial attraction. I’m not here to say what’s attractive and what isn’t, it’s all personal opinion of course, but the honest truth is I don’t want to be physical with someone that I don’t find physically attractive. There’s no judgement either, but for me physical attraction is what distinguishes the difference between a love interest and a friend, it’s that initial quality that makes you do that double take we’ve all done at some point in our lives. However, physical attraction will never ever seal the deal with me, call it part one if you will.

2. Intelligence. I’m not looking for the next Amy Farrah Fowler but it’s nice to be on a similar wave-length when it comes to intelligence. I never thought intelligence was important to me until I dated someone with very little (sorry but it was painful). I don’t exactly rhyme off the literary works of Ernest Hemingway but this girl understood so little that it prevented me from just being myself. First off she couldn’t understand how people who speak the same language can have different accents, then I had to explain the whole night and day at the same time situation in different parts of the world, she was confident London was a country and also couldn’t figure out what PTB stands for. Nice girl so you try not to judge, but it got very tiring very quickly.

3. Sesnse of humour. This is everything to me! I’d like to think I was born laughing, I genuinely believe your sides hurting from laughing is one of the most blissful experiences you can ever have in life. I’m just not a fan of people who take themselves too seriously, no one wants to date a comedian, but just to know that you’re with someone you can be a big kid with from time to time is a nice feeling. So yeah, poor or no sense of humour is a massive deal-breaker for me.

4. A kind heart. You hope any individual you come across in life is reasonably kind-hearted, but it’s even more important when it comes to choosing a partner. Have you ever dated a proper proper bitch? I went out with a bitch and a half. I was on a date and this girl pretended to be putting a tenner in a homeless person’s cup but then at the last second put in 10p. Maybe I put too much pressure on her to have a good sense of humour but this was a big fat no no for me and we never saw each other again.

5. Good taste in music. So this is more of a personal one and I know it’s hardly a relationship essential but it’s something that means a lot to me. I think it stems from my first love introducing me to ‘good music’ after years of listening to whatever was in the top 10. Suddenly I went from DJ Sammy to Led Zeppelin, AC/DC, Jeff Buckley, Fleetwood Mac and so on and ever since then music has always been a great source of connection with past flames. I love nothing more than lying in bed sharing earphones and introducing each other to music we love, desperately hoping they like what you’re playing them. I was also a big fan of having ‘our song’ with girlfriends, right back to my first girlfriend at 12 years old (hi Angela). What song was it? ‘I want it that way’ by The Backstreet Boys of course. Tell me whyyy!!!!

I’d say four out of the five are pretty generic things that you’d expect to see on any list, but it’s always nice to hear a bit of the logic behind it from a guy’s perspective. Oh and she has to eat a lot as well! I like a foodie. I’m pleased to confirm that my tastes are a little more well-rounded than they used to be, but I guess it’s all part and parcel of getting older. So tell me, what do you look for?

Thanks for reading,

PTB

Going Speed Dating? Don’t Forget Your Screwdriver!

After reading my stories for the past three years you’ll all know by now how much I love the world of dating, right? Well for every memorable mishap and love story that’s happened to me many of you (understandably) still grumble that dating has become tedious, boring, predictable and ultimately a waste of time. Well as it happens those lovely folks at Match are here to rescue you.

In the past you’ll have heard me talking about ‘online dating vs offline dating’ and how I’m a big advocate of rediscovering the lost art of conversation whether online or offline. Well Match are once again making all the right waves with the introduction of their brand new speed dating night. Now I myself used to host a speed dating event which take it from me culminated in a fair few stories of it’s own, but throw in some flat pack furniture and what do you have? Well you have Match’s very own, very original brand of speed dating of course!

Tomorrow evening Match is launching a speed-dating event with a difference. Following on from their own research which found that a third of all couples feel most stressed when doing DIY, singles will be paired up and challenged to construct their very own piece of flat pack furniture – an activity thought of as the ultimate test of a relationship (Amy Poehler even joked that Ikea is Swedish for ‘argument’).

The event takes place at Gilgamesh in Camden on the 12th April from 6.30pm – 9pm and at the same time and place on the 19th – which is when I myself will be there! Singletons will receive a free drink and toolkit before meeting a fellow dater and being given a piece of furniture to assemble. Pairs will be given 30 minutes to complete the task before teaming up with a new date with a different item to construct. I know what you’re thinking – what the hell do I wear to build!?

This might sound like hell on earth to some people, but in all seriousness a Taxi Driver (pearls of wisdom that they are) once told me that the problem with dating these days is that people spend too much time sat face to face in a pub running out of things to say. What they really need to be doing, he continued, is introducing an activity into the date (behave) to break up the conversation, and I agree wholeheartedly.! So why not make that activity flat pack furniture?

Statistics say that romance is most likely to bloom when a male tries to show off his DIY skills but ultimately the female ends up being the real brains behind the project – I’m not sure what statistics but they’re out there somewhere.

Fancy signing up? Just click here. Ikea will never be the same again!

Happy Dating!

PTB