Being a guy, who knows a lot of guys, I unfortunately am all too familiar with some of man’s great failings when it comes to women. I could never claim to have been a perfect boyfriend, but every now and again friends, colleagues and often complete strangers will share their stories with me, and as much as I love to listen, every now and again my jaw hits the floor at some of the things we do and say. I could never judge anyone, way too many mistakes made on my part to do that, but are all the negative myths about men actually true? Or are they just that…myths?
1. We’re only after one thing. I get asked this question constantly and the truth is – a bit of both. I know someone who uses online dating and when asked what he’s looking for he is always completely truthful, “a bit of fun.” Hardly the romance girls are after but so long as it’s done respectfully is there really anything wrong with such honesty? This person’s explanation is “I travel a lot for work so it wouldn’t be fair for me to get seriously involved with someone, I just don’t have the time”. So yes sometimes guys are after only one thing but believe it or not, sometimes there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for it. Guys do think about sex constantly, it’s in our DNA after all, but that doesn’t mean we’re all predators and you can’t argue with science! Girls, if it’s something you’re really concerned about look out for the early warning signs, some are more obvious than others – requests for dirty photos, innuendos, and the classic “I’m in bed, wish you were here” – we try and pass it off as ‘banter’ but that would be a blatant lie (guys you know exactly what I’m talking about). If you’re still worried sometimes the best thing you can do is actually the simplest – just ask.
2. We constantly lie. This isn’t true of all men of course but yes you’d be surprised at just how much men tell porkies. There is, however, a little method to our madness. Guys are too often guilty of saying what we think women want to hear rather than what we’re actually thinking. The peculiar thing is that guys are often berated for lying, sure it’s not okay but you’d be surprised how often guys lie simply to protect a girl’s feelings and I’m sure that works vice-versa as well. This is of course just your typical little white lies, the other kind of lying that we all know about is a different story altogether. If a guy thinks he can get away with lying, cheating and stealing then he’ll probably continue to do it, you’d be surprised at how quickly lying can become a habit as opposed to a one-off. On a more general level, learn to know when your guy is lying (he will have a tell) and nip it in the bud before it escalates. Don’t be a bunny boiler about it though, we aren’t always lying – believe it or not.
3. “Once a cheater always a cheater” This one drives me crazy, I cannot stress enough how much I wholeheartedly disagree with this. People change, people grow up! Obviously I don’t condone cheating but people do learn from their mistakes. I’ve known guys who’ve cheated and continue to cheat with numerous different women, it’s a sad fact of life, but I also know guys who were so wracked with guilt from cheating that they couldn’t eat or sleep for days and wouldn’t dare go near another woman ever again. It’s down to personal choice whether you forgive a cheater or not but when making that decision don’t assume that he will always cheat. Just keep a casual eye on him – time will soon tell if you’ve made the right decision.
4. Our feelings don’t get hurt. Definitely not true. Even the biggest, buffest guy in the gym can be a delicate little flower inside. Guys don’t express feelings very well but don’t mistake this for being made of stone. Sometimes we’re just as insecure as women. I’ve written in detail about this before but more recently I did a small photoshoot for a friend and you’d be surprised at just how much a good quality camera can reveal your every flaw. I almost cried myself to sleep that night – big softie that I am.
5. We hate all of your friends. Not true at all we just hate when you’re in a group together! I have this ex and individually I loved every one of her friends, but as a group? Don’t get me started! There are few words to explain the frustration of a man having to spend an evening with a group of hyperactive, babbling, ranting women. Yes we’ll be gents, keep quiet and politely listen to every one of your meaningless conversations about “that bitch from work” but sorry girls we just don’t want to be there – please don’t make us be.
So girls, yes we’re far from perfect but don’t always believe what you read and be wary of the words of a woman scorned. People can only speak of their own experiences but not everyone or every circumstance is the same. Try your best to be a good judge of character and never be afraid to ask questions. Failing that just come and ask me – I promise I’m not only after one thing (but I do not want to meet your friends).