“You have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve and I have always buried them deep beneath the ground” – it’s one of my favourite songs and seeing as it’s in the title of the song, I was inspired to think about ‘flaws’ in a little more depth. How we treat flaws goes back to that whole idea of nine good meals and one bad one – which do you remember? It’s amazing how much we overlook the good in our prospective partners because we’re so focused on their strange laugh or their crooked nose, but it’s not always about how we see other people, the real importance of flaws is to recognise them in yourself.
So do you recognise them? If you did, would it change how you treat others? One of the best things I ever did was to begin accepting my flaws, because when I did, I actually lost some of my other flaws. Self-awareness changed everything for me and as it turned out accepting isn’t about excusing them. Acceptance encouraged me to start changing the bad things and helped me understand when or why other people were angry or frustrated with me.
My flaws? I was always very selfish. I spent four years in a relationship where I gave absolutely everything and got nothing in return and when that ended I said never again, but sometimes it’s easy to take that too far. One thing you should never do is punish the new people in your life for what the old people did. Bad tempered, those who know me will be surprised by this, but I used to have an extremely short fuse. Don’t get me wrong I would never physically hurt anyone, I never let myself cross any dangerous lines, but I put more holes in walls and broke more phones and remote controls than I care to admit. That reminds me, never punch a brick wall – you will lose every time. This was all a good few years ago now and after realising just how embarrassing I was being I managed to deal with my emotions in much healthier ways (a little anger-management and a good sense of humour go a long way). Over-thinking, I’m perhaps the world’s greatest. I think about too many things in life and from every possible angle and perspective – it literally keeps me awake at night. This level of over-thinking can lead to a ridiculous amount of indecision which take it from me is beyond detrimental to a relationship.
I’m a big believer in loving yourself, as you are, but for me my flaws were affecting others too much not to do something about it. A strange laugh was probably a bad example, because what one person finds strange, another person might love you for. Physical flaws in general however are a completely different kettle of fish. Who even decides what is a flaw and what isn’t? It’s all just stereotypes and traditions and society crap that have ultimately led most of us to strive for what we perceive to be ‘normal’. With physical appearance, I do believe in the importance of physical attraction but everyone has a different idea of what they find attractive (thankfully). For example did you know that a prominent chin indicates a strong sex drive and a prominent brow bone indicates a need for sexual dominance? Some people might be thinking those are unattractive facial features and others might be thinking ‘I need to get you in my bedroom!’
At the end of the day flaws are what make us human, it’s up to you what you do with them. Love yourself for you, but don’t be scared to strive to be the best possible version of you – just stay away from those walls!
“All of your flaws and all of my flaws,
When they have been exhumed
We’ll see that we need them to be who we are
Without them we’d be doomed” – Bastille