The Biggest Mistakes Made By Online Daters

It’s no secret that the stigma once associated with online dating has well and truly disappeared. Once labelled desperate now just the norm, there are but a few singletons out there who haven’t tried some form of online dating. My own experiences of online dating have been few and far between, but having immersed myself in this industry, I’ve found that I’ve learnt far more as an outsider looking in. This summer I’ve spent a fair bit of time studying the biggest names in the industry and without further ado, here are my observations as to what not to do when online dating.

Choose the wrong site – no sponsored posts today folks so I’m not going to mention names of who I’d recommend (although if you’d like some do get in touch) but yes so many people criticise online dating when so often it’s been a case of ‘right time, wrong place’. Online dating is all a bit of a numbers game, you have to look at the key factors of meeting someone and think about which site will maximise your chances of finding the one – or someone. Let me give you an example, I had a look at one particular site after it won two awards at a ceremony I was attending. Two awards, I thought that’s pretty impressive. So I signed up only to discover it was like a ghost town – well at least where I lived. In spite of all the accolades and fancy branding, there didn’t appear to be a single user who lived within 100 miles of me. So lesson 1, play the numbers game, if no one in your area uses a particular app or site then what’s the point? Remember, that’s not to say compromise on quality, but location is a much bigger factor than people realise.

Put all your eggs in one basket – I’ve lost count of the number of people I’ve encountered who feel like they’re at the end of their tether with dating and that they need to find the one LIKE RIGHT NOW. This can be a huge problem when online dating and can often lead to you throwing yourself into something with the first available ‘acceptable’ person. Don’t settle for acceptable, take your time and wait for remarkable. Remember, online dating is not a last resort and wont be the immediate answer to all of your problems. Don’t shut yourself off to finding love in other places.

Be too needy – ‘Desperate’ sounds like a harsh term to use but we’ve all spotted those profiles that absolutely wreak of desperation – please don’t be that person! There’s nothing wrong with wanting to find love, of course there isn’t, but if you try too hard then you might be waiting a lot longer than you’d hoped. When constructing your profile try and not give too much away, there’s plenty of time to tell someone your life story on the many dates you’ll be going on together.

Be negative – This has to be the number one thing that pissed me off during my research. I realise everyone has had tough experience but that doesn’t have to be the first thing you tell people about; “no one under 5ft 6, no single parents, no workaholics, no gingers, no no no………..” I saw it time and time again and yeah it’s fine to be picky, but I wouldn’t dare have contacted any of these people – it was draining to read. Plus, it also makes you think, well what makes you so special?

Be someone you’re not – it’s very easy to be someone you’re not online and it’s even easier to start believing your own bullsh*t. My ex lied to me about everything from her parent’s names to her birthplace to her job to the number siblings she had, all things that she was going to get found out for. Don’t put yourself in that position in the first place, it’s a sure fire way of ending the relationship you spent so long looking for in the first place.

Get stuck in a rut – A lot of negative feedback on online dating actually comes from its most avid users. I only ever recommend using online dating as a short-term solution, the harsh reality is that you will be rejected at some point (no matter who you are) and if you’re online for a sustained period of time then the rejection may add up which in turn could do severe damage to your confidence. Don’t be online every second of every day, get on with your life and check it now and again. There’s a trap with online dating where over time you start to expect negative results and all of the above points will eventually all roll into one. You have to be better than that –  make sure you get away from the keyboard and out into the fresh air from time to time!

So these are my top ‘dont’s’ but there are of course plenty of ‘do’s’. DO have fun, boost your confidence, get back out there, meet people, have coffee, dance, watch movies, walk in the park, eat good food, laugh the night away. Most importantly, get online to get offline.

What mistakes have you encountered?

PTB

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13 Comments

  1. Graeme Wilson
    August 13, 2017 / 5:13 pm

    Haha I’ve made just about all of these mistakes!

  2. August 14, 2017 / 3:39 pm

    All of the above. Great advice. I’m sharing.

    • Paul Thomas Bell
      August 14, 2017 / 9:01 pm

      Well thank you very much!! 🙂

  3. Ade Adeleye
    August 15, 2017 / 6:22 pm

    Great points Paul. I also think it’s important not to stop meeting people offline as well.

    • Paul Thomas Bell
      August 16, 2017 / 12:37 am

      Ccouodnt agree more!

      • Paul Thomas Bell
        August 16, 2017 / 1:05 am

        Hey Kerry, in what way?

        • August 17, 2017 / 3:26 pm

          Well, about 2 or 3 years ago, I went out on a date….got my car cleaned, took a shower, even bought some flowers! All the damn woman could do was stay on her cell phone half the damn night…& then insult me the next day! BTW, she was black. I’m not racist, so I figured I’d give it a shot…rudest woman I’ve ever been out with! BTW, I refuse to date outside my race now, because of this!

          • Ade Adeleye
            November 19, 2017 / 10:44 am

            Haha damn bro that was pretty rude of her! Sounds like you like you two had different expectations from the date Kerry! I’ve been on several bad dates with women of different races, but I just took it as we were in different places at the time.

            I can’t tell you who to date and while it is better to date someone more appreciative of your time, I would recommend that you let them know what your boundaries are. In my experience women need to know that you have boundaries otherwise they lose attraction for you. From what you described, you’re absolutely right, though you went to great lengths to impress her, she was being rude by being on her phone all night and yet you didn’t demand that she hang up, which communicated to her that she could be disrespectful to you and you wouldn’t call her on it! I don’t know any woman that would find that an attractive quality in their date.

            She may have felt that she could just do whatever with you and you would have it, which may have been why she insulted you the next day, perhaps not so much attacking you, but a backlash to the type of man she thought you were in being so nice and agreeable, without calling her on her bullshit. I’m not excusing it, but if you had been a bit more assertive in that situation, it may have ended differently.

            Don’t take it so personally man, one thing I that helped me in dating is to view a rejection not so much a rejection of me, but a rejection of how I occurred to them, allowing me to reflect on what I might be doing to make them react that way. Then in addressing these blind-spots, my dating life improved significantly overall 😉

  4. November 20, 2017 / 3:59 pm

    True. I’m just getting tired of the bullshit. Women are just good at finding excuses.

    • adeadeleye
      November 24, 2017 / 7:08 pm

      True. I totally agree with you man. And for the longest while I was disheartened from dating as the women I was dating seemed to lack integrity.

      I’m from the UK, and I’ve seen a lot of women backwards rationalise the most tenuous things to prove a point. Like when a friend correctly guessed this girl he was trying to chat up was American, and then she corrected him with “Italian-American *actually*” while rolling her eyes…is that still not American?! hahaha

      It’s all a part of the game I guess, which I have come to accept and I’m constantly learning the rules. And to be fair there’s stuff that us men are guilty of too, which really grinds their gears!

      • November 28, 2017 / 1:45 pm

        Yeah, but they change the rules constantly,…& I’ve gotten tired of it. I know we’re NOT totally innocent, but women have gotten to be totally outrageous in their demands.

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