5 Things I Look For In A Partner

If there’s one question I get asked all the time it’s “what’s your type”? And the truth is I don’t have a bloody clue anymore. In the past I would’ve said Kourtney Kardashian (I always thought she was a cuter version of Kim) but if you lined up all of my exes you’d notice very quickly that they couldn’t be any more different from one another.  It’s quite funny reminiscing back to my teens, us guys, we always had a dream girl. My first dream girl was my Sister’s babysitter, I was about 8 years old and she must’ve been 14 or 15. I called her up to my bedroom and handed her a post-it note that simply said “I love you.” She’d given me an eskimo kiss (when you innocently touch noses) days before and that was me, I was hers forever. I’m laughing as I write this as I don’t think either my Mum or my Sister know this story, oh well. After that the standard celebrity crushes began; Britney Spears, Sarah-Michelle Gellar, Jennifer Aniston, Megan Fox, Cheryl whatever her name is now, Hayley Williams, Katy Perry and Rita Ora all came and went. Recently I even found myself having a bit of a crush on Miley Cyrus – now that she seems to be washing again of course. But you’ll notice that list is all very looks orientated and I’d like to think that’s not what I’m about anymore. So now here I am, PTB at 30, what do I look for in a girl?

1. Looks. Yes, I’m going to completely contradict myself with the first one, but hear me out. Looks aren’t all that matter of course, give me an interesting plain Jane over a stunning bore any day. What does matter to me however, is that initial attraction. I’m not here to say what’s attractive and what isn’t, it’s all personal opinion of course, but the honest truth is I don’t want to be physical with someone that I don’t find physically attractive. There’s no judgement either, but for me physical attraction is what distinguishes the difference between a love interest and a friend, it’s that initial quality that makes you do that double take we’ve all done at some point in our lives. However, physical attraction will never ever seal the deal with me, call it part one if you will.

2. Intelligence. I’m not looking for the next Amy Farrah Fowler but it’s nice to be on a similar wave-length when it comes to intelligence. I never thought intelligence was important to me until I dated someone with very little (sorry but it was painful). I don’t exactly rhyme off the literary works of Ernest Hemingway but this girl understood so little that it prevented me from just being myself. First off she couldn’t understand how people who speak the same language can have different accents, then I had to explain the whole night and day at the same time situation in different parts of the world, she was confident London was a country and also couldn’t figure out what PTB stands for. Nice girl so you try not to judge, but it got very tiring very quickly.

3. Sesnse of humour. This is everything to me! I’d like to think I was born laughing, I genuinely believe your sides hurting from laughing is one of the most blissful experiences you can ever have in life. I’m just not a fan of people who take themselves too seriously, no one wants to date a comedian, but just to know that you’re with someone you can be a big kid with from time to time is a nice feeling. So yeah, poor or no sense of humour is a massive deal-breaker for me.

4. A kind heart. You hope any individual you come across in life is reasonably kind-hearted, but it’s even more important when it comes to choosing a partner. Have you ever dated a proper proper bitch? I went out with a bitch and a half. I was on a date and this girl pretended to be putting a tenner in a homeless person’s cup but then at the last second put in 10p. Maybe I put too much pressure on her to have a good sense of humour but this was a big fat no no for me and we never saw each other again.

5. Good taste in music. So this is more of a personal one and I know it’s hardly a relationship essential but it’s something that means a lot to me. I think it stems from my first love introducing me to ‘good music’ after years of listening to whatever was in the top 10. Suddenly I went from DJ Sammy to Led Zeppelin, AC/DC, Jeff Buckley, Fleetwood Mac and so on and ever since then music has always been a great source of connection with past flames. I love nothing more than lying in bed sharing earphones and introducing each other to music we love, desperately hoping they like what you’re playing them. I was also a big fan of having ‘our song’ with girlfriends, right back to my first girlfriend at 12 years old (hi Angela). What song was it? ‘I want it that way’ by The Backstreet Boys of course. Tell me whyyy!!!!

I’d say four out of the five are pretty generic things that you’d expect to see on any list, but it’s always nice to hear a bit of the logic behind it from a guy’s perspective. Oh and she has to eat a lot as well! I like a foodie. I’m pleased to confirm that my tastes are a little more well-rounded than they used to be, but I guess it’s all part and parcel of getting older. So tell me, what do you look for?

Thanks for reading,

PTB

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6 Comments

  1. Ade Adeleye
    August 15, 2017 / 6:37 pm

    Haha I can relate to the intelligence point. I once dated a girl so bland, she cut me off mid conversation to tell me that it rained the other day and her hair got wet. Seriously. And she made bad puns that turned heads. Are these points what you look for initially or long term? I pretty much agree with these, but long term for me, I need to know that she has my back.

    • Paul Thomas Bell
      August 16, 2017 / 12:26 am

      Haha, well we all have our flaws I guess. I think for me these are a mixture of both initial and long-term qualities I look for but you’re absolutely right, loyalty and having your back is really important as well. Thanks for reading, I appreciate it!

  2. August 31, 2017 / 10:45 am

    I think this is a great post, and I completely agree – all my exes are completely different, but they have really similar traits like kindness, humour etc… When people only go for ‘their type’ I think it can be so detrimental – cause they’re missing out on so many people who are probably really good for them.
    Everyone finds different things attractive – and that’s what makes love so great!

    Think you’d like my blog too – Never Settle – http://evegreenow.com/ xx

    • Paul Thomas Bell
      August 31, 2017 / 12:34 pm

      Thank you Eve really appreciate your thoughts and I’ll be sure to check out your blog 👍 PTB

  3. Maggie Lam
    October 15, 2017 / 8:09 am

    This is a really lovely post, Paul. In this ‘Dating in the Digital Age’ era I am finding it hard to find that real connection – one that stems from a solid foundation of personal values/beliefs such as yours.

    I am still rather hopeful but for the most part I feel that it’s incredibly superficial, these apps and being protected by a screen seem to give people permission to be the worse part of themselves. Wow, that sounded bitter! I guess I am defending an ill treated friend, but I digress.

    Thank you for keeping the hope alive that there are in fact a lot of people of substance still out there!

    I think it’s important to outline your core values before you start dating, if you’re looking for something permanent that is. The personal one is that nice added quirk – isn’t it? Something that differentiates you from the rest.

    The music point brought back some great memories – my sweetest one was lying in a dim room on my then partner’s bed, back to the mattress and both our feet up against the wall like two kids. He introduced me to Jeff Buckley and then proceeded to play his fav from that album on the guitar! I know, right? Talk about romantic! It was a sweet moment and we’re still great friends.

    I do those things quite a bit with food, music and films. Travel is my other love. Being on the same wavelength and sharing those personal aspects are the building blocks to forming a connection – so without establishing these values, you’re bound to wander aimlessly from squeeze to squeeze without anchoring yourself anywhere.

    • Paul Thomas Bell
      October 15, 2017 / 11:33 am

      Hi Maggie you are most welcome and thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. Funnily enough my first love introduced me to Jeff Buckley and many other great artists. Thanks again and keep in touch. PTB

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