Why I Still Love Dating

So according to the statisticians at Buzzsumo.com the most popular dating article online at the moment is ‘Why modern dating makes me want to punch myself in the throat’ which you can read here.

Wow, yet another bash at the dating world. I honestly don’t know when everyone became so miserable about dating and why being single seems to be considered a traumatic experience these days, but frankly it’s starting to get a bit old. Although I’ve had many happy memories dating, believe me, I do understand why struggling to meet someone is difficult. In the past I’ve felt as low as low can go when it comes to dating, but it seems to me that too many people take the easy option of blaming ‘modern dating traditions’ for being single, with little or no effort to change it. I cannot stress this point enough – Tinder is not the only way to meet someone.

How many people do you know that consistently berate dating apps and websites and yet continue to spend more time swiping strangers than talking to the people they actually know? Well I to used to be one of those people.

Author of the aforementioned article, Melissa Moeller, states “I’m pretty much living in the thickest part of the modern hookup culture – perfecting the art of getting the right guy to buy you a drink at a bar, crafting the perfect response to a text to make you seem just interested enough, taking the proper five seconds to adequately judge a person and determine whether or not to swipe left or right on Tinder. That’s the world I live in now and I have to confess: I hate it with every fiber of my being.” Personally I enjoy the madness and over-thinking of crafting the perfect text (it reminds me of being a teen again), but the rest I agree with, I’m well and truly on your side Melissa Moeller! Except there’s one little thing you said that’s niggling away at me. “That’s the world I live in” – I disagree.

As much as I love the influx of technology and how I can have my food shopping delivered at the push of a button or find out who crossed paths with me that day (although I still find this a bit weird folks at Happn) it doesn’t mean I let technology dictate every aspect of my life. As a society we’re constantly looking for ways to make everything…simpler, faster, easier…and that’s what dating apps do, but the ways of old, they haven’t gone anywhere Melissa, they just don’t have big marketing budgets.

I was recently paid to review an award-winning dating site. I signed up, I did a search, I promptly sent them their money back. Why? Because despite the site’s popularity and despite the fact I live in a major UK city, there must’ve been about four people on the site who lived within 100 miles of me. So Melissa you’re not the only one sick of ‘modern dating’, in fact I would go as far as to say that most dating sites are filled with fake profiles to boost the numbers. So where is everyone? They’re all gathered in that little place we forgot about – ‘offline’.

Online dating has earned its place in the world, a nuisance to many but the source of success for countless others. However, no matter how many people you find online, there will always be more people offline and this is where my problem lies – no one has to accept these so called modern dating traditions if they don’t want to.

So why do I still love dating? Because my attitude changed. I’ll say it one more time – Tinder is not the only way to meet someone. I’m a big believer in not necessarily looking for someone, but putting yourself in situations where you might meet someone. For example, a friend of mine went to a night class in the city – Italian cooking for beginners. He went to that class to learn and to have fun but as a singleton what he actually did was inadvertently put himself in a situation where he might meet someone. If you do something where your sole purpose is to meet someone and then you don’t have success, that’s when you start to beat yourself up and hate the dating world. He left that final class with a homemade Carbonara and a future fiancé

If you enjoy online dating, brilliant, crack on with it! But what was it Melissa said about modern dating? “I hate it with every fiber of my being.” If this is you, put the phone down, give the seedy bars a miss and stop repeating what clearly isn’t working for you. You’ll never know until you try.

and please, oh please…don’t punch yourself in the throat.

PTB

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9 Comments

  1. March 16, 2017 / 6:36 pm

    So true. Good advice, view point, and attitude.
    Side note, I blogged yesterday about how the more ‘connected’ we are in this modern age with internet etc., the more disconnected and alone we feel.

    • Paul Thomas Bell
      March 16, 2017 / 7:13 pm

      Thank you really appreciate that. Look forward to reading your stuff!

  2. March 17, 2017 / 5:55 am

    Aloha,

    I find it amazing that you enjoy dating. For me, it’s like getting ready for war, it feels that threatening. Considering that I live in paradise, how scary is that?

    Thanks for the great read. Maybe I need to move!

    • Paul Thomas Bell
      March 17, 2017 / 10:22 am

      Haha no I completely understand Pam. It should be fun though it shouldn’t be something you dread. I like how parts of South America do it, dates are very rarely one on one, they’re more into group situations (nothing weird) and it seems to take the pressure off. Check out https://paulthomasbell.com/2016/10/26/dating-have-we-been-doing-it-wrong-all-along/
      Thanks for reading, really appreciate it. PTB

  3. March 19, 2017 / 1:56 pm

    Oh my gawd. Amen! Someone else who gets it!!

  4. March 19, 2017 / 2:00 pm

    Like really people just don’t want to get to know a person other by their looks!

    • Paul Thomas Bell
      March 19, 2017 / 4:38 pm

      Thanks for reading, really appreciate it!!

  5. June 14, 2017 / 12:25 pm

    I occasionally hate online dating, but I’ve also changed how interact with men and I’m far more selective, which means I have less of a frenetic pace and I waste less time. I’ve written about rules for dating when you actually want a relationship, and they’ve never let me down so far!
    Ann

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