There’s a common misconception surrounding men that the majority of us are permanently aroused,
sex-crazed hyenas when it comes to the opposite sex. The truth however, is something really quite different. You know those lads? The ones that will whip out their manhood at any given time or place? Well this isn’t really ‘men’, hard to believe I know. Female body and confidence issues have been well represented in recent years, and quite rightly so, but similar issues in men are much more prevalent than you might care to believe – particularly when it comes to the bedroom.
Anxiety in general is perhaps the biggest problem and yet still the most hidden. Anxiety problems are more common than ever before, but the majority of me still view this as weakness and as a result very few will open up about the condition. One place almost certain to test your resolve is of course the bedroom. As much as men suffer from more general anxiety on a day to day basis, bedroom anxiety takes things to a whole new level – something which should ultimately dispel the myth of the sex-crazed hyena. The truth is, guys do worry about these things. There are times in life when we all go through a bit of a drought when it comes to sex and the longer that goes on, the more anxious, nervous and sometimes terrified we become. Sometimes these problems multiply as we get older, overthinking sets in and no longer do we just…go with the flow.
Body Dysmorphia – Again, a subject we mostly hear associated with women but the struggle for the everyday man is very real. Notice the fitness boom of the last few years? For every buff ‘King of the gym’ there’s another fifty average Joes out there who only believe they don’t look good enough, due to the manner in which our perception of perfection has drastically changed. I could list literally dozens of women I know who prefer hairy men with a bit of meat on them and not the sculpted, shaven complexions of the Ronaldo minions, yet the majority of us still won’t be satisfied until we’ve won Heat magazine’s ‘Torso of the Week’. The bedroom is perhaps where we feel the most under pressure, and until we realise just how much the definition of perfection is open to interpretation, we’ll continue to scrutinise our every nook and cranny until we’ve just about destroyed every shred of self-confidence.
Sexual Performance – I’m not entirely sure women realise just how much guys worry about this, possibly because we tend to be quite nonchalant about most things in life. As much as we don’t want to, we do think about your previous partners quite a lot. They might have all been completely useless in bed, but in our heads we imagine a queue of angelic stallions with a God given talent for sexual performance, the David Copperfields of sex if you like. The more you like someone the more difficult it becomes. You go on a few dates, the butterflies start and then that first sexual encounter comes along and sometimes it’s make or break, even that early on in the relationship – guys think about this stuff. From another angle, men may be expected to try things that we’re not necessarily comfortable with but because of that male persona we attempt to live up to, we probably don’t say no as much as we need to. You’d be surprised how often guys break barriers they’re not comfortable with.
Expectation – As much as women hold their own these days, most guys still feel like they are expected to ‘take charge’ and being in charge comes with certain expectations. There are a lot of men out there who don’t possess the sexual prowess to whisk a girl off to the bedroom and completely dominate the situation and no that’s not a criticism by any means, it’s merely an indicator of the many different personality types that exist. But regardless of how many types there are and regardless of how much we accept our personality type, we still place that expectation on ourselves – because we’re the guy.
Perhaps us men are the orchestraters of our own downfall in these areas, but I guess we just need to raise awareness that men (however much we deny it) suffer similar problems to women. My own advice? Why spend hours in the gym with other men, when you could be in bed with a woman? Seems like a no-brainer to me.