What Women Want (In My Experience)

The age old question, what do women want? Only Mel Gibson has ever really come close to an answer with help from the most spectacular super-power ever created within the halls of Paramount Pictures. Frankly I just don’t have the time or the enthusiasm to be electrocuted in a backstreet Chinatown apartment, however I decided to mak emy own light-hearted attempt at answering this question. Now before I start I cannot stress enough that these are based strictly on my own experiences and are in no way an attempt to generalise all women – can’t have Emma Watson knocking on my door.

Babies, babies, babies, babies. So yes I agree there is no more natural thing in the world than a woman giving birth to a child, but a man carrying a used nappy bag with mushy peas stuck to his forehead is wholly unnatural. Remember, men mature at the rate of daffodils growing in a baking hot desert, for your own sake (and your childs) don’t force a man to have kids before he’s ready – this is my only point here. You might be lucky and your partner springs into action and becomes the man you so desperately need him to be, but on the flipsideΒ he may regress back to his 14 year old adolescent self. Before you know it, you will be the mother of one beautiful baby and one stubbly, teenage man-child who cries himself to sleep. Hope it’s the former, but don’t force it.

My Money yes the little I did have was always very quickly spent. Cue the unemployed ex-girlfriend who begged me for a holiday, I stupidly obliged and agreed to pay for two weeks in the sun on the condition that she find a short term job and take her own spending money. She finds a nannying job, works three weeks and makes Β£600, perfect I thought – that is until she turned up at my house with forty bags of bikinis and maxi dresses. You win some you lose some.

For My Friends To Dissapear I know they’re not perfect but come on at least they’re nice to your face. In any relationship it’s important to strike the right balance between each other, friends and family. Don’t make us give up our friends they were there before you and should anything ever happen they’ll be there long after you, however, this of course works both ways.

Stop Looking At Other Women I get this one honestly I do, but try and remember that just because our eyes are open doesn’t mean we’re looking at other girls. I remember once upon a time having a full blown argument with an old girlfriend in the cinema, she accused me of looking at another girl whilst I was intently READING THE MOVIE LISTINGS!!! One of the most embarassing public altercations I’ve ever experienced and to this day I still have no clue who she was talking about.

For Us To Love You (No Matter What) this pains me, honestly, I love women whether it’s a girlfriend, my mother or my sister I love you all, but why do some girls expect to get away with absolutely everything? I borrowed your favourtie t-shirt it’s now covered in fake tan but it’s fine because you love me, I sold your season tickets on ebayΒ  but it’s fine because you love me, I slept with your brother but it’s fine, YOU LOVE ME!!! My ex once turned up on Christmas day with not a single present for any of my family and then the very next day returned to my house with several hundred bags of shopping from the boxing day sales, again not a single present for anyone and yes, it was the same person from point two (moreful me).

Ladies don’t take any of this to heart, you know it’s my fellow man I normally pick on. I often wonder how aware both men and women are of their crazy or irrational behaviours? Have you ever been stuck in a heated moment and you know you are completely off your head and yet it doesn’t stop you from carrying on the madness? I’ve been guilty of this myself, but still, it’s always fun to reminisce. I guess that’s how we learn from our mistakes and grow as partners and as people. Then again, perhaps deep down we all secretly love a little bit of crazy?

PTB

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58 Comments

  1. September 1, 2014 / 10:58 pm

    I like this list, BUT I DONT WANT BABIES! And I understand guys are always going to look no matter what their relationship status is, and girls look too. Women just dont want them to do it all the time!

    • September 1, 2014 / 11:05 pm

      Hey thanks for reading totally get where you’re coming from, this is just a light hearted look at my own experiences would never put all women under the same bracket, thanks for your comments πŸ™‚

    • September 2, 2014 / 1:37 am

      I’m not much of a babies fanatic, personally. As far as money, I have my own. I feel lucky when a guy can actually support himself because that seems fewer and far between these days.

  2. September 1, 2014 / 11:02 pm

    That was great fun to read, thank you. LOL, well said indeed.

    “I often wonder how aware both men and women are of their crazy or irrational behaviours”
    I suspect we’re not so aware, especially in the heat of the moment. I started to catch on one day when I decided I was going to leave hubby…and started packing some stuff for him in a suitcase. I’m not quite sure what the second step was going to be, to inform him that “WE” are leaving him together?

    • September 1, 2014 / 11:03 pm

      So glad you enjoyed it πŸ™‚ thanks for your comments as ever

  3. September 2, 2014 / 12:00 am

    I hope you don’t mind, but I wrote a response post to this. It’s a little snarky but all in good fun.

  4. September 2, 2014 / 1:11 am

    Glad to know that “listening” is not a priority any more….that one always got me in trouble.

  5. September 2, 2014 / 5:55 am

    Loved it! I think this is very clever and very true in some parts. Most women’s ‘crazy’ is usually never about the subject at hand. Normally a underhanded issue that happened 3 weeks ago. I have to catch myself at times to just communicate better. Love reading your work!

    • September 2, 2014 / 6:04 am

      Hey Lizzy πŸ™‚ thank you so much really appreciate your comments. Paul

  6. September 2, 2014 / 8:24 am

    I loved reading this, it gave me great insight in the female brain. Any chance you could do a “What Men Want”? I’d be really interested in reading your take on it.

    • September 2, 2014 / 12:25 pm

      Are you serious?
      This is not what women want.

      • September 2, 2014 / 2:03 pm

        This isn’t what I believe ALL women want its just a lighthearted look at my own experiences I would never be naive enough to generalise all women.

        • September 2, 2014 / 2:32 pm

          Still quite a narrow-minded generalisation I’m afraid.

          • September 2, 2014 / 9:42 pm

            How can it possibly be considered a generalisation when I have specifically said these are points are based on my own experiences? Think you may have taken the post a bit too literally.

      • September 2, 2014 / 2:06 pm

        It was fully intended to be a sarcastic comment. By girlfriend was laughing at this post.

  7. September 2, 2014 / 11:10 am

    I can only agree with the last two, but perhaps I am a “different” type of woman.

  8. susanwinter181
    September 2, 2014 / 1:40 pm

    Hi Paul. Another great article! You’re very clear on what women want (in your experience). Interesting that so many other men still scratch their heeds over this question.

    • susanwinter181
      September 2, 2014 / 1:41 pm

      Sorry! Typo. I meant “heads.” Still waking up with my morning coffee…

  9. September 2, 2014 / 1:46 pm

    Hey! I would rename this post “what VERY YOUNG women want” and I would still be cautious. In my teens and early twenties I wanted children, I thought I had to. As I grew older that changed and eventually I realized that babies weren’t mandatory. I think it’s sad that women want someone else’s money and not the joy of having their own. Financial independence is DA BOMB I never understood the friend problem. Everyone has a friend we don’t like (even your friends) but we don’t just get a partner but an extended family/friends. I think this too is something we learn as we mature. Some healthy jealousy I guess it’s OK. I don’t have any and it has hurt my relationships because guys interpret it as if I have lost interest. I’ve always thought that being on a diet doesn’t mean you can’t look at the menu πŸ˜€ In any case, public embarrassment is unnecessary, rude, and simply not to be tolerated from anyone. And finally, yes, of course we want you to love us. You want us to love you too but if you dirty up my favorite shirt or sell my tickets I WILL CUT A BITCH!

    PS. If this has been your experience, you may have been dating the crazies. IMHO πŸ˜‰

  10. September 2, 2014 / 3:13 pm

    This was a funny read. None of it really applies to me, but I know that it’s true for some women. Your next post should be “What Men Want”. Men can sometimes be complicated creatures as well! πŸ™‚

    • September 2, 2014 / 9:39 pm

      Aw thank you so much I may well just do it. Absolutely I’m glad it doesn’t apply to you haha just a few odd experiences I was reminiscing about from when I was younger. Thanks for reading! πŸ™‚ paul

  11. September 2, 2014 / 4:38 pm

    I think both genders are guilty of making poor choices in mates (I certainly have). But I don’t want kids (which actually makes it even harder to find a relationship because guys in the States all want kids), I work hard to earn my own money and independence, and I had a very serious relationship with a guy who was unemployed. I don’t want to give up my friends so I certainly wouldn’t expect my significant other to, even if I didn’t like them. The staring at other women thing just comes from insecurity which all of us women experience at one time or another when you live in a society that constantly tells you you’re not enough (but I do agree with you that that one shouldn’t be an issue). One comment said the characteristics you mentioned are for very young women and I think that’s definitely true. Speaking from my own experience too, guys often go for the “hot” girl with the little bit of crazy you mentioned and not the one who is down to earth and still pretty. She may not be a Victoria’s Secret model but she won’t fall into these categories. Just like with men for us ladies, there are good girls out there who really just want a partner in crime and in life and that’s it. You just have to make the conscious choice and be willing to find them. Great post for a discussion!

    • September 2, 2014 / 9:38 pm

      Hi Jackie I really appreciate your thoughts. Just want to stress this was a lighthearted take on a few issues that cropped when I was younger I would no way generalise all women under these headings, just to be clear πŸ™‚ a few people have taken it a bit too literally. Thanks again for reading. Paul

      • September 2, 2014 / 9:47 pm

        Glad to hear it πŸ™‚ I’ll be honest that my comment was also selfishly for me to get a few things on my mind about the topic lately off my chest so thanks for giving me the forum for that! Always enjoy reading your thoughts.

  12. September 2, 2014 / 5:31 pm

    hmmmm so clearly you have NO idea what women want. And for some reason I feel as though this is why you keep making bad dating decisions…Rule 1: The girl you date MUST have a job. LOL. πŸ˜‰

    • September 2, 2014 / 9:29 pm

      I’d like to think I have a fair idea, as I said this is just me reminiscing about the experiences of my younger self. Do you honestly think I would generalise ALL women under these points?

  13. September 2, 2014 / 10:51 pm

    What a brilliant post! I liked how you vary your blog, and you are never sexist, you really don’t understand how that actually makes sense to both sexes now. I can see now that girls are equally to blame as well haha! You do give a sense of realisation! Brilliant post as aways! πŸ™‚

  14. September 3, 2014 / 2:20 am

    Great to see another awesome post, I’ve missed them! πŸ™‚ x

  15. September 3, 2014 / 9:42 pm

    …and there are some of us rare birds, who know our own self worth, desire only simplicity and a kind heart that’s honest … nothin wrong with liking a little crazy if it’s the fun kind ;P

  16. B1004
    September 5, 2014 / 2:55 pm

    Haha, oh god. I have some male friends who’ve reported similar tales, from deleting female friends off their facebooks to scary stuff like sabotaging contraception! :S
    Guys can be pretty mental too – anyone can if they’re not self-aware and taking responsibility for keeping their issues in check. You live and you learn, eh? πŸ™‚

  17. September 10, 2014 / 4:49 pm

    I almost want none of the things you described above…except for unconditional love because that sounds pretty baller. You should read my post “Slim To None, Those are The Chances.” I’ll be honest, I definitely joke about evolution/my body wanting babies and marrying for money, but in all reality I don’t want any of those things. For the record, I actually LOVE hanging out with my boyfriend’s friends or just splitting up for the night to hang with our own friends…maybe why I’ve always had boy roommates haha. Makes me sad that your experiences have indicated this is what girls want. Eek. Hope you meet someone that doesn’t want those things!

  18. GFF
    September 13, 2014 / 12:10 am

    Hi,

    Reading this post, I am now truly understanding the value of modern feminism, and how you have very little grasp of the concept, whatsoever. Your post boasts β€œwhat women want”, but naturally assures us of β€œWhat Paul Thomas Bell Doesn’t Like About Stereotypical Aspects of Women Forged Only From His Own Disrespect or Ignorance; or rather: How I am a Misogynistic Prick.”

    Let’s break this down:

    1. No, not all women want babies. As the first thing on your list, this is disgusting. Women do NOT exist, simply to pump a baby into, so their legacy is carried on through genetics. What a terribly distasteful thing to remark upon. Additionally, women don’t sit around plotting the misuse of their birth control, or willing pregnancy to β€œtrap” a partner into becoming β€œthe man (we) so desperately need him to be”. Offensive, ridiculous, and commentary clearly coming from a person with no grasp of emotional sensitivity or empathy.
    2. β€œYour Money” Nope. Actually, no. Many women are very independent, and feel that especially in a current climate, rife with financial turmoil, that a path to success and strength is to become financially strong. Many women will be breadwinners within their family, and many women will hold their own steady job. This section is clearly a dig at an ex girlfriend, and a chance to boast your own potential monetary stability. Good for you.
    3. No, women don’t want your friends to go away. They really don’t. They also have their own friends, family, goals, aspirations, hobbies, employment, and myriad aspects of their life that don’t fall within the scope of yourself. It’s funny that you might not realise this, because aside from the fact that you have a penis, and women have a vagina, they’re actually OMG EXACTLY THE SAME AS YOU AS A HUMAN BEING WITH DESIRES IN LIFE. It’s so strange, I know. Totally freaks me out.
    4. Look at all the women you want. If you’re in a monogamous relationship, then you should feel supported and safe to look at other women, provided you’re not striking up a sexual, or emotionally romantic relationship with them. In fact, you’ll find that many women are ALSO checking out other women. Clearly this is another dig at a previous relationship (i’m really sad for you, I am; however so many problems here indicate maybe you’re the common factor?)
    5. I don’t even know where to start with this – but only to imply this is distasteful, it implies manipulative and disgusting behaviour upon all women (you’re really not great with this hyperbole thing, are you? Don’t worry, you’ll grasp it one day), which is simply not true. If you are experiencing behaviour like this within women, it’s not a factor determined by gender, but rather the fact that they’re just terrible people.

    Your writing style is full of flowery prose, inconsistent grammar and sentence structure, and you could really use a lesson or two in approaching topics with weighted sensitivity.

    Also –

    What Women Want is an irrelevant movie, by any standards. It’s literally 14 years ago. Given your guessed age, and the assumed ages of your readers, I think you should reassess your pop culture references, to find something a little more stable for your readership.

    • September 13, 2014 / 11:43 am

      I didn’t even read all this, I find it incredible that a light hearted post about my own experiences could be taken so seriously. Do you honestly believe I would be stupid enough to generalise ‘all’ women in such a way?

      • October 16, 2014 / 8:04 pm

        It was never going to end in rainbows and lollipops with you generalising πŸ™‚ The over the top angry/aggressive/mean reaction from ^^ should have been written as logical and unemotional as this: not all women are the same. It’s unfortunate you had some bad experiences but I can assure you there’s some awesome girls out there that want none of those things, me being one of them. (Ok, ok I’m agreeing with #5 – Well I don’t *expect love* but I do seem to get it from the bf, no matter what I do.. My proof: http://turninglamebosintorainbows.wordpress.com/2014/05/23/the-hulk-doesnt-care-so-neither-should-you/ ). Men and women have differences, but so do men and men, and women and women. That’s the beauty of life – everyone is different πŸ™‚

        For the person who wrote that post – highly emotional reactions aren’t going to be looked at and respected (even by women). As much as I agree with your basic premise, I don’t think it’s fair to stoop to the level of name calling and assuming things about the bloggers life. It’s overstepping the line. If you’re trying to represent strong women, be mature and logical about it and represent us in a way that gains respect. Better luck next time!

  19. September 13, 2014 / 2:33 am

    I enjoyed reading this, it made me laugh. It done a few of the, maybe like two. LolπŸ˜†

    • September 13, 2014 / 11:45 am

      Thank you Olivia I’m glad you saw the funny side 😊 much appreciated

  20. September 17, 2014 / 2:29 pm

    I just want to add my two cents. I blame reader comprehension. Lol. We were discussing the topic of reading comprehension yesterday. By no means is my statement a jab at any one individual in particular. It is a generalization. You specifically wrote about your experience, yet people are saying your experience is incorrect. This makes about zero sense. How can you apply your story to mine, and say my story is wrong? Lol. It happens often in person, so I definitely know it will happen on blogs/internet–people reading and taking what they thought the read, versus what they actually read, and using that in a comment to say your post is incorrect. I enjoyed the post. Hopefully that counts. Lol

    • September 17, 2014 / 8:28 pm

      Thank you so much it means a lot to me that someone can see my true perspective, was a little taken aback by the one or two negative comments but your thoughts a very much appreciated as always. Paul

  21. September 18, 2014 / 9:35 am

    i enjoyed reading this πŸ˜€ made me laugh..

  22. September 22, 2014 / 4:30 am

    Funny list you have but there are some that I agree and some that I don’t, but I think it depends on which woman you are dating. – Ritter

  23. September 23, 2014 / 5:58 am

    Don’t hate me feminists, while I might not wake up everyday dreaming of babies and money bags, I can certainly identify with a lot of this. I do catch the the crazy coming out of me from time to time, and if not I have seen an array from my wonderfully wild girlfriends. Maybe we are all a little pre-programmed, as much as we hate to admit it! Thanks for the light-hearted read. It’s awesome to be able to have a giggle about it all. πŸ™‚

    • September 23, 2014 / 6:16 am

      Thanks Blake much appreciated! Hope you’re well 😊

  24. October 1, 2014 / 6:31 am

    For some reason I keep accidentally un-liking your page !!!! Anyway, I love this. You’re quite entertaining. Thank you.

  25. October 1, 2014 / 5:01 pm

    funny! I don’t want babies, I have my one, I don’t want your money! I just want a companion to laugh with, dance with, fun stuff. Gals are a crazy breed, emotional and needy. I’ll probably never date, well not for another 5 years… haha. Enjoying your blog!

  26. October 1, 2014 / 9:25 pm

    I absolutely love this post – amazing! You have women down to a T. Love a bit of light hearted stereotypical women humour! We are nightmare but you gotta love us! πŸ˜‚ Leanne xo

    • October 1, 2014 / 9:50 pm

      Haha thank you Leanne glad you see it that way! Thanks for reading πŸ™‚ x

  27. October 7, 2014 / 4:19 pm

    Interesting list of “women wants” however, we know it definitely comes from a male’s perspective. Out of all you listed above, I think my only want is for the man I love to love me back. The rest is just material things in my eyes.

  28. October 8, 2014 / 12:38 pm

    Such a fun read when you leave all your feminist ego aside. Loved the Gibson reference, lol.

    • October 8, 2014 / 2:08 pm

      Haha thank you, had a little bit of a feminist backlash on this one but it’s very much intended to be light hearted. Thanks for reading, Paul.

  29. October 8, 2014 / 7:23 pm

    Classic. Love this hahaha Oh, women. We are something else.

  30. Nadia Grant
    August 19, 2016 / 11:06 am

    Loved reading this. Very witty and well written ☺

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