Being a guy, who knows guys, I unfortunately am all too familiar with some of man’s great failings when it comes to women. I could never claim to have been a perfect boyfriend, but every now and again friends, colleagues and often complete strangers will share their stories with me, and as much as I am happy to listen occasionally my head falls into my hands with unfortunate ease. I could never judge anyone, way too many mistakes made on my part to do that, but are all the negative myths about men actually true? Or are they just that – myths.
1. We’re only after one thing. I get asked this question constantly and the truth is, a bit of both. I know someone who uses online dating and when asked what he’s looking for he is always completely truthful, “a bit of fun.” Hardly the romance girls are after but so long as it’s done respectfully is there really anything wrong with such honesty? This person’s explanation is “I travel a lot for work so it wouldn’t be fair for me to get seriously involved with someone”. So yes sometimes guys are after only one thing but believe it or not we also like a bit of romance, courtship and dare I say it – butterflies. Guys do think about sex constantly, it’s in our DNA after all, but that doesn’t mean we’re all predators. Girls if you’re concerned look out for the early warning signs, some are more obvious than others – requests for dirty photos, innuendos, and the classic “I’m in bed, wish you were here” – we try and pass it off as ‘banter’ but that would be a lie (guys you know exactly what I’m talking about). If you’re still worried sometimes the best thing you can do is actually the simplest, just ask.
2. We constantly lie. This isn’t true of all men of course but yes you’d be surprised at just how much men tell porkies. Guys are too often guilty of saying what we think women want to hear rather than what’s actually going on in our heads. The peculiar thing is that guys are often berated for lying, sure it’s not ok but you’d be surprised how often guys lie simply to protect your feelings – we’re actually big softies deep down we worry about you! It’s a part of our often backwards mentality but not necessarily acceptable and frankly it probably should worry you. If a guy thinks he can get away with lying then he’ll probably continue to do it, not necessarily for his own gain but because it very quickly just becomes a bad habit. Learn to know when you’re guy is lying and nip it in the bud before it escalates. Don’t be a bunny boiler about it though, we aren’t always lying – believe it or not.
3. “Once a cheater always a cheater”This one drives me crazy, I cannot stress enough how much I disagree with this. Obviously I don’t condone cheating but people do learn from their mistakes. I’ve known guys who’ve cheated and continue to cheat with numerous different women, it’s a sad fact of life, but I also know guys who were so wracked with guilt from cheating that they couldn’t eat or sleep for days and wouldn’t dare go near another woman ever again. It’s down to personal choice whether you forgive a cheater or not but when making that decision don’t assume that he will always cheat, just keep a casual eye on him – time will soon tell if you’ve made the right decision.
4. Our feelings don’t get hurt. Definitely not true. Even the biggest, buffest guy in the gym can be a delicate little flower inside. Guys don’t express feelings very well but don’t mistake this for being made of stone. Sometimes we’re just as insecure as women. I’ve written in detail about this before but more recently I did a small photoshoot for a friend and you’d be surprised at just how much a good quality camera can reveal your every flaw. I cried myself to sleep that night – ok not quite but you get the picture.
5. We hate all of your friends. Not true at all we just hate when you’re in a group! I had an ex-girlfriend and individually I loved every one of her friends but as a group? Don’t get me started! There are few words to explain the frustration of a man having to spend an evening with a group of hyperactive, ranting women. Yes we’ll be gents, keep quiet and politely listen to every one of your meaningless conversations about “that bitch from work” but sorry girls we don’t want to be there, please don’t make us be.
So girls we’re far from perfect but don’t always believe what you read and be wary of the words of a woman scorned. People can only speak of their own experiences but not everyone is the same, try your best to be a good judge of character and never be afraid to ask questions. Failing that just come and ask me – I promise I don’t just want sex!