I can’t tell you how much I love when my readers send me questions about men and dating. I don’t claim to be a relationship expert but there’s very few situations I haven’t found myself in. I’ll always give my honest, sincere opinion of your dilemmas, dancing around a subject doesn’t do anyone any favours. Here are some of the latest questions put to me:
PTB, I’d been on about four or five dates with a guy in college, things were going great, we had an amazing time and after a few weeks we slept together but ever since he’s been completely distant and I’m feeling a bit used. – Lacey, NY.
Hi Lacey, when things start to go wrong so soon after sex it’s natural to assume that all he wanted was to get you into bed and sadly some guys are like that but not all of them. I’d be a little surprised if he’d put in so much ground work over a number of weeks just for sex, most guys of that nature tend to give up a lot quicker when sex is their only intention. When you get to about date four or five you tend to find people are in the process of asking themselves is this going to be a long-term thing? Sadly you may find that he has decided this isn’t going to go any further and sex unfortunately coincided with that. Although if this is the case I certainly can’t condone him sleeping with you in the first place. I’m sorry if that’s not the answer you want to hear but the way you’re feeling you have nothing to lose consider asking him straight up how he’s feeling, you deserve that much. Try and be casual about it though just in case he’s being a bit grumpy and there wasn’t anything wrong in the first place. Men can be just as difficult to read as women.
Hi Paul, pretty straightforward we love each other but we want different things, I want to travel and he wants to start a family, any thoughts? Beth, Brighton (UK)
This is always a tough one. The biggest problem is potential resentment. If you stop one another from achieving what you want in life there’s going to be an elephant in the room for the duration of your relationship. Everyone has a bucket list in life, ask yourself what means more your partner or the list? Ask yourself how you’ll cope if you lose him? The best thing I could suggest is to sit down and have a really honest conversation about the things you want and determine if you can both reach a compromise to make the relationship work. Whatever happens don’t let yourself be forced into doing something you’re not ready for, kids are for life!
Everything in our relationship is perfect except when it comes to the bedroom there’s no spark, it doesn’t work. Emma, NY.
This is so common, so many couples get too embarassed to talk about sex and they end up plodding along in the most unsatisfying, routine way. Naturally everyone has different tastes and different things that work for them, talk about it, what’s the worst that can happen? You end up having more fun? Don’t be afraid to take the lead and show a guy what you like, you don’t have to hit him with ‘you’re doing it wrong,’ some very subtle pointers can go a long way. Some experts are too quick to suggest ‘spicing things up’ in these situations when all you really need is to talk more. Good Luck.
I keep catching my boyfriend talking to girls online, he swears he’s not cheating so what is he up to? Antonia, NJ.
Hi Antonia, the thing with guys is they love a bit of attention. In no way do I think it’s acceptable for guys to be doing this but as stupid as it sounds it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or that he wants to go out and physically cheat on you. I have a friend who always says to me ‘I love my girlfriend more than life itself but sex is sex,’ again I can’t defend statements like this but maybe it will give you a better understanding of how some guys think. Guys tend to do these things without even thinking about it, just like a bad habit. If it upsets you tell him, I’m sure he wouldn’t be too happy if it was the other way around?
My ex-boyfriend wants to get back together but I can’t decide if it’s right. Rebecca, Edinburgh (UK).
The fact you even have to ask the question probably says it all. It’s easier said than done but I’m a big believer that if you love someone enough you should just know you want to be with them, there shouldn’t be any question marks. It’s also very difficult to go backwards, think about the reason you broke up in the first place and ask yourself if you go back will you still have the same issues?If you’re still struggling consider meeting up for a casual date, nothing too fancy, see if the feelings come flooding back or if you well and truly have moved on.
Thanks again for your questions keep sending them to firstname.lastname@example.org